Vodka and Soda

The single child... will she be lonely?

Kayla is the apple of our eye(s).  She is our world, our happiness and joy.  We fuss over her more than we need to, smother her with kisses against her will and hold her down to hug and cuddle her even though she protests with "mommy!  nooo!" because she's trying to reach for Elmo/her blocks/her stuffed toy/things she shouldn't be touching/[insert object name here]. 

I had a hard time after Kayla was born and I am still afraid of having another child.  I do get that twinge of baby fever once in a while and I miss being pregnant.  I had a fabulous pregnancy: no morning sickness, awesome sleep and gave birth to a healthy, happy full-term baby.  Even the labor and recovery wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  

Because of the severe depression I went through, I don't want to go back to The Dark Place and while I now understand my triggers and Dr. G will always be there for me, I'm not sure if I can mentally handle the stress of a newborn/young infant. As they say, the second time around is always easier but is that the same for folks who have suffered and recovered from postpartum depression?  That, I'm not so sure.

I'm in a happy place right now.  I like the way things are; Kayla is 2, she's hilarious, we've overcome tons of hurdles and I'm glad that she's now able to communicate her feelings (for the most part).  We're having fun and although we currently have some sleep challenges, things are good. 

But sometimes I worry that Kayla will be lonely.  It's probably not the same playing with mom and dad as it is with other kids and although we have many friends who have kids the same age as Kayla, I'm not sure if it's the same.  I remember when my sister and I were kids, we would spend rainy days building forts and tearing apart the living room/bedrooms or playing house.  At night, instead of sleeping, we'd play Wonder Woman or whatever crazy game we invented when we weren't tired.  As a single child, how can Kayla do that?  Am I denying her the joy of having and caring for a sibling? I loved sharing a room with my sister when we were kids; it was fun and if ever I got scared, I would just go sleep in her bed beside her or vice versa.

So I feel this tremendous guilt of Kayla being an only child and sometimes I get the urge to have another baby but then remember how horrible the depression was and that makes the baby fever dwindle down to a fleeting thought.  I hear from friends who didn't have any siblings say that they were lonely growing up and wished they had a sister/brother.  Sure, they played with cousins and friends etc but when they went home, it was just them, mom and dad and playing with mom or dad just wasn't the same.  Will Kayla feel this way?  Will she resent us for not having another baby to play with?  Will playing with friends, her cousins and neighbors be enough for her? 

DH and I have had several brief conversations this and I think the only way that I could have another baby with my sanity intact is if he stayed home for the year.  For me, the isolation and feelings of suffocation were the worst however, DH is a much more relaxed parent than I am and probably wouldn't obsess over the things that I did.  I thin the only thing we would have to seriously discuss are the financial impacts around him staying home and me working.  I'm a pretty good saver and I always have money socked away in several accounts so I'm not too worried about being stretched too thin.

So this will continue to be a battle in my mind for the next little while.  It wasn't so much as an issue or even a thought when she was a baby however, now that she's older and I see the way she loves playing with kids, I'm starting to wonder about my decision of only having one child.

Good-bye Zoloft

 

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Today is a celebratory day for me - it was my last follow-up appointment with my psychiatrist.  I am finally off my anti-depressants and he wanted to assess me to make sure that everything was okay and guess what? everything is okay!  Dr. G said that my progress and recovery has been excellent and I look healthy, happy and most of all, calm.  My sleep has returned to normal (actually, it's better than pre-pregnancy) so I can't complain.

I have been medication-free for about a week now but the weaning process took several months.  We began reducing my dosage sometime in mid-late February 2010 and over the course of a few months, I went from 100mg of Zoloft to 25mg last month and then I slowly weaned from 25mg to 0.  Dr. G closely monitored my dosage during the weaning process, giving me clear and strict instructions on how to do it.  He told me that doing it too fast would cause a bunch of withdrawal symptoms which "are unpleasant to say the least" as he put it.  I remember how awful I felt when I first went on the meds and if that wasn't a picnic in the park, I certainly didn't want to experience what withdrawal would feel like.  Having said that, he said most times, people still feel slight withdrawal symptoms even if they've weaned themselves properly as the medication leaves the body.  The symptoms are very mild and don't last very long. 

The weaning process:  By the time I was taking 25mg for about 2-3 weeks, I refilled my prescription and that day,  I started reducing the amount of pills I took on a weekly basis.  I went from taking 1 pill per day to 1 pill every other day for about 3 weeks.  Then I took 1 pill every 2 days for another few weeks, then every 3 days and so on until when I nearly reached the end of the bottle, I was able to stop taking them.  My last pill was on Tuesday July 13 and I haven't taken anything since.  About 3 days later, I started feeling a little strange when I stood still; not really dizzy but kind of like I had a very mild case of vertigo.  It was really weird and it seemed to strike at odd times like if I was standing still or even sitting and at random times.  My eyes sometimes felt out of focus that I had to blink hard a few times.  These strange feelings were fleeting - they left as fast as they came - and then I was fine.  It would happen on and off during the day but for seconds at a time.  I also felt jittery at times; as if an electric current was going through my body and it only seemed to happen at night as I was trying to go to sleep. 

These symptoms went on for about 3-4 days; the vertigo/eye thing stopped a while ago with the jittery feeling the last to go.  Dr. G said that most patents feel the effects of the meds leaving the body almost immediately after a pill is missed, some patients who are sensitive to medication of any sort (me) tend to have latent withdrawal symptoms which is normal.  It will take my body time to adjust to regulating the chemicals in my body on my own, much like it took me time to adjust when I first went on the pills.  

I am happy to say that Dr. G has given me a clean bill of (mental) health and I honestly believe that I am back to my old self.  A lot of things have happened since I went off my meds; things that would have sent me over the edge if I were back where I was in 2009 but now I'm able to take things for what they are and roll with the punches. It took me 2 years to realize and accept that parenting isn't an exact science and things will be unpredictable at best regardless of how much you try and control the situation.  I'm much more relaxed, patient and calm but most of all, I'm truly enjoying being a parent.  I'm sad that it took me a long time to get here but I'm here at last.... and it feels fan-frigging-tastic!

Summer Fun

Such precious moments of Kayla and DH splashing around in her kiddie pool

Great books for your child

For as long as I can remember, I have always been a book lover and avid reader.  When I was a kid, I loved Read-a-thons, book-week (when Scholastic would come the schools around and take book orders) and "story time".  Even when I was "forced" to read books for English class in high school, I never complained about it - heck, I was getting graded on something I loved to do! 

I am so happy to see that Kayla loves books as much as I do.  She's always asking me to read her this book or that book and it doesn't matter if it's a 'baby' book or even a magazine - as long as there are pictures and words, she's as happy as a clam.

I'm currently in the process of gathering up all of her 'baby' books and replacing them with more age-appropriate books. Yesterday, she ran up to me yelling "Missah Cumsy!  Missah Cumsy!!" and when I looked down, she was holding the "Mr. Clumsy" book from the Mr. Men and Little Miss collection.  Ooooo, one of my favorite series when I was a kid.  My daycare provider told me that she held onto that book all day and even fussed when I told her that it was time to go home and we had to leave the book behind so now I have something else to look for for her.

Another favorite series of mine are the Little Critter books by Mercer Mayer.  When I found a book containing 7 books in one for $7.99 I almost tripped over my feet getting to the cash register. Whenever I ask Kayla what book she would like me to read her during night routine, I immediately reach for this book even if she hasn't answered me yet.  I'm not even sure what the main character is - a rodent or hedgehog of some sort?  Regardless, he's so cute and the stories are adorable.

Now we get to the famous Dr. Seuss.  Green Eggs and Ham was another book that was at the top of my list and it was really the only one that I read from this collection.  The words themselves don't really make sense ("would you like them in a tree? would you like them in a house/with a mouse") but I now realize it's the rhyme that mesmerizes children and is what probably mesmerized me as a kid.  If Kayla happens to be chatty during night routine, as soon as I start reading Green Eggs and Ham, she'll stop talking and just stare at the pages with a blank expression on her face as if she were in some sort of trance.  It's pretty funny.  I ordered a Dr. Seuss collection from Amazon so it should be arrive any day.  I've never read classics such as Cat in the Hat, the Lorax etc but it's in the collection I ordered so I'm looking forward to discovering these books with Kayla.

When your child has Roseola: what you should know

Kayla has Roseola.  I had a feeling that's what it was when her temperature started going wacky the day after her birthday party (I guess a mother's instinct IS always right!).  That was on June 27 when her temperature spiked but then afterward, she seemed normal for the next few days.  It was also around the time when her sleep took a nose-dive and we started bunking in her room to avoid major bedtime drama (which I need to something about soon because it's just getting ridiculous however, I'll deal with it later after the monkey gets better). 

Last week Wednesday, her fever spiked to a whopping 40°C (or 104/105°F) which lasted until about Thursday afternoon/early evening.  We felt so bad for her; she was so lethargic, had diarrhea, no appetite and wanted to be held all the time.  If you know my daughter, she's very independent, loves running around, laughing, talking and learning about everything (read: she must get into anything and everything she can get her little hands on).  We had taken her to the doctor twice - the first time the doctor confirmed she had a lot of fluid behind her ear drums and the second time was diagnosed with a raging ear infection - so we thought that it was the ear infection wreaking havoc on my poor little baby. 

Her fever broke around Friday and she was back to normal on Friday evening and all of Saturday.  We had lots of fun painting and spending the day together and after her nap, we headed out to the mall.  That was when I noticed some spots on her face and rushed her home to see if we can get to the walk-in clinic on time.  My neighbor's son had Roseola so I called her and she described the rash, that it really looks worse than it really is and that the doctors don't give you anything because you just have to let the virus run its course. 

So what is Rosela?  Roseola is a virus that is common among children under the age of 4 but typically affecting children between the ages of 6-24mos.  It is most commonly spread through contact with saliva of an infected child so if you have other children, wash and sterilize everything to prevent further spreading of the virus.  

According to KidsHealth.org, Roseola is caused by "human herpesvirus (HHV) type 6 and possibly type 7. These viruses belong to the same family as the better-known herpes simplex viruses (HSV), but HHV-6 and HHV-7 do not cause the cold sores and genital herpes infections that HSV can cause." 

What are the symptoms of Roseola?  Children who have the Roseola virus will typically develop some kind of (mild) upper respiratory illness (in Kalya's case - an ear infection; in my friend's son's case, a throat infection) followed by a high fever of around 40°C (or 104/105°F) lasting about 2-3 days.  During the fever, your child may become lethargic, a loss of appetite, have mild diarrhea and irritability.  It is this time that your child is most contagious (before and during the fever) so keep your child at home and wash/sterilize everything that he has come in contact with.

The fever will suddenly disappear after 2-3 days from which a rash will appear on the face, neck, chest, back and arms.  The rash is red in color, can be slightly raised or flat but is not itchy or painful.  Once your child gets the rash, you'll notice that his mood is back to normal and aside from the spots on his face and body, he's no worse for the wear.  Once the spots have appear, he is no longer contagious.  Most children who have roseola will return to daycare even if they still have the spots and pose no risk to other children (unless a cold is still lingering etc).  

What you should do if you suspect your child has Roseola or has come in contact with a child who had/has Roseola:  it's best to take your child to the doctor for a proper diagnosis and rule out any other illness.  Monitor and control the fever with acetaminophen or ibuprofen as high fevers can sometimes trigger febrile seizures.  Use cool compresses and/or a luke-warm bath to help reduce baby's temperature.  If your baby has another other illness (ear or throat infection etc), give him his medication as prescribed by the doctor but other than that, you have to let the virus run its course.  Do what you can to help keep baby comfortable and within a few days, the virus will pass.

Toddler Activity: Painting!

DH had a golf game so it was just me and Kayla.  As anyone knows, keeping a toddler occupied and engaged can be challenging because they tend to get bored pretty fast so you gotta keep things going.  

It was a great morning in Toronto - the humid weather and crazy rain had stopped; leaving behind a beautiful, sunny, warm Saturday morning - perfect for spending the day with my baby girl. I took her out for breakfast to Cora's - a great breakfast place around our area - and we enjoyed toast, bacon and eggs while we chatted about balloons, whether it was salt or sugar in the salt shaker, maple syrup and why the other 2 kids beside us had balloons and why she didn't.  Then she tried to coerce me into taking the ketchup home because she needed it.  

When we got home, I whipped out her new painting set that she got for her birthday while I snapped great pics of my budding artist.  In doing so, I discovered a great use for (expired) baby food jars - as reusable paint holders and mixers!  Recycle, reduce and reuse, right?  I dug out a few jars left over from when she was little, washed them out and voila!  You can also use those little plastic fruit cups too.  Use the lids as a mini paint board to mix the paint together.  You know, those wooden things with the  hole on the side for your thumb... yeah, that's the one.  

We both had a blast and she painted using brushes, her hands and fingers while I snapped so many cute pictures of her.  

haha just kidding; I painted that :)

Product Review: Tweezerman Mini Nail Kit

With summer here, I tend to pamper myself with pedicures.  There's nothing like freshly-painted tootsies in eye-popping fun colors.  While I would rather to go the spa on a regular basis to get my feet done, it can get quite expensive so I've resorted to only going about once a month and doing all the other touch-ups at home. 

To enable my new budget-friendly pedicure, I needed the proper tools to do so.  It was then I decided to look for my own nail kit instead of relying on whatever I could find in my house (which usually consists of old emery boards or dull nail clippers).  So I did a little research and figured out the basic tools I needed and then stumbled upon this gem:  The Tweezerman Mini Nail Kit.  

Full manicure sets have a bunch of other things that I probably wouldn't use (or know how to use them) and I knew that I only needed a cuticle shaper, trimmer and nail file.  The fact that Tweezerman made a travel-size kit blew me away; it fits right in my makeup bag and doesn't take up any room.  The best tool is the cuticle trimmer - it's so sharp and precise. 

Tweezerman, you done good.  For $29 at Sephora, this is by far, one of the best purchases I've made this summer.  

Product Rating:  10/10

When I was a kid....

I was going to post something about parenting 'labels' and how society tends to categorize people into groups depending on parenting styles.  Instead, I opted to illustrate how things were done in my day when I was growing up.

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We were never on any sort of routine.  We played when we wanted and slept when we were tired.  Often times, my mom would find my sister and I passed out naked, dressed up in her clothes, in our forts or wherever we happened to be playing at the time.  At midnight.  Or 10pm.  Or whenever, really.

I don't remember sitting in a car or booster seat.  We sat in the front with my parents or on my mother's lap.  A few times I sat on the back of my uncle's convertible as he sped down the street.  Seat belts were an option, not the law.

We were spanked when we were bad and never thought anything of it other than well, we were bad and mom was going to spank us.

My mom left me at home once to pick up my sister.  I was sleeping and when I woke up, no one was home.  I wasn't scared but hungry so I opened a loaf of bread, turned on the tv and waited for her to come home.  It wasn't a big deal and I didn't feel abandoned by it either.

We never had any set bedtime.  We were put to bed when my parents thought we needed to go to bed (or when they got sick of us!)

There was no 'sleep training' or 'attachment parenting'.  It was just them being parents and raising us the best they could.

If mom had to let us cry because she had to cook, clean or tend to other things, then she let us cry.  Things had to get done even if that meant leaving us in the bassinet, playpen or crib to do it.  I didn't grow up with abandonment issues nor was I a rebellious, unattached, parent-resenting hellion.  In fact, my family were extremely close and I was fiercely independent and protective of them.

I never heard of any kid being in daycare.  Moms stayed home and dads worked.  It wasn't until we turned 4 or 5 when we left the care of our mom and started full-time school (JK).

Both of my parents smoked in the house and everywhere else we went.  So did everyone else and it wasn't a big deal.

Every kid was formula-fed.  There weren't any "breastfeeding advocates" and no one thought different if you were on the bottle.

You got yelled at if you were bad and it didn't matter where you were - at the mall, grocery store, uncle's house, friend's house.  

There weren't any ' time-outs' if you misbehaved.  You got yelled at and your bottom spanked regardless of where you were and if you didn't stop said bad behavior, mom would give you something to cry about....and you listened quick.

We would watch TV pretty much anytime mom or dad were watching it.  There weren't any 'viewer discretion' messages so I saw Three's Company, Dynasty, The Colby's or whatever my mom was watching.

We ran around the neighborhood until it was time to go to bed.  My mom would open our front door and yell for us and if we heard our names being called, that meant it was time to go home. 

We didn't have video games or DVDs to keep us occupied.  We built forts out of cushions and blankets, we rode our bikes around the neighborhood, played cops and robbers, hide and seek and spent most of our time running around outside.

Going to McDonald's was a treat; not breakfast, lunch or dinner.  That could be why children obesity rates were pretty much non-existent where I grew up.

We enjoyed our childhood and lived it.  Girls didn't get their periods until they were 11 or 12 years old.  We didn't have breasts (even though we wanted them!) until grade 7 or 8, no one 'made out' in grade school and we never even thought about sex until high school. 

We left our doors unlocked, even when we went out.  The neighbors knew and looked out for each other and parents felt safe leaving their children running around the streets without supervision.

People minded their own business.  If you saw a parent yelling or spanking their child, you didn't poke your nose into it - you just assumed the kid did something bad enough to warrant it.

When I was a kid, things were a lot simpler.  Sometimes I wish it could be like that again.